The Enemy
by HidingInACorner
Summary: Who really was the enemy in ASP? An explanation as to why Gene did everthing he did. Takes place after the book. Gene POV. I own nothing.


The Enemy

The only reason I am who I am today is because I made the stupidest mistake of my life when I was seventeen. A defining moment, if you will, but not one that I'm proud of.

My best friend Phineas was a phenomenal person, and because of that I was irrational and consumed by jealousy. So I tried to kill him. I pushed him out of a tree, and Finny broke more than just his leg. We also broke the basis of our friendship, and we both knew it- but refused to acknowledge it. But the truth was there, hidden in between all the lies. And, when the truth started to surface after a year of repressed emotions, Phineas tried to run from it. He fell again and ended up dying and I had accomplished what I failed to do a year earlier, murder my best friend. Murder is such a harsh word, but the contemplation of it changes you. The after affects define you. And the execution of your plans, your beliefs, your morals and the realization of what you've done, scars your soul.

A war was raging around me, and a war was raging within me. "All of them, all except Phineas, constructed… these Maginot Lines against the enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, the enemy who never attacked that way- if he ever attacked at all; if he was indeed the enemy" (196). But was Phineas the enemy? I thought I knew who Phineas was, but there were so many things I didn't know about him. So who was Phineas? Was he as carefree as we all thought he was, or did he take those risks just because we wouldn't? Was he a true leader, or was he thrust into the position unwillingly? Although, I saw him day in and day out, I never _knew _him. Phineas seemed

to be all of the things that I wasn't. He was witty, charming, and excelled at sports. I'm nothing like him; I never was and never will be. But after he died I didn't want to be me anymore, I wanted to be him. I wanted to keep his spirit alive; even if I told myself otherwise. I want Phineas alive. I want to talk to him again. I want to apologize.

Just one stupid mistake caused by a perverted sense of jealousy was all it took to change Phineas' life forever. Because I realized that I wasn't thinking for myself- Phineas was. I didn't know how to say "no" to Finny, I idolized him. He was the epitome of perfection, and everyone thought so. So when I started to think for myself, Phineas wasn't the person I thought he was. I thought him to be conceited and self- centered. I thought he was arrogant and cocky. I thought that he wasn't the person everyone thinks he is. I was angry and upset- but I couldn't talk to him about it- what would I have said?

He would have alienated me. And even though he had everything that I wanted (charm, character, and confidence), I still needed him. I relied on Phineas and I hated that. I hated being dependant on someone that I thought used me. It was only after I opened my eyes to the world, I decided to do something about it. That stupid tree gave me the perfect opportunity to show him what life was really like. I could show him that everything doesn't always go the way you want it to. Life isn't perfect, even if you win.

I felt so guilty after pushing Finny out of that tree. I wanted him to hurt, physically and emotionally, but I didn't want to take away the things that identified him. Sports were his life and without them he'd feel incomplete. So I watched Phineas after the accident. I noted his behavior, his emotional and mental stability. I was concerned that he would break. And it was only when he started to push me into training for the

Olympics did I realize that he was hurting, badly. Was he projecting or was he actually trying to help me? I don't know, and I don't think I ever will. But I could tell from the look in his eyes that he would have given anything to be me at that moment. Anything. For once he was jealous of me. And I was disgusted with myself.

As the school year progressed, Phineas started spewing lies about the war. _It's a fake, a scam, and I don't believe it, so neither should you._ I pretended to believe him. I had a sick sense of loyalty that I felt I owed Phineas. Reimbursement for trying to kill him. The others thought it was nonsense that I believed the propaganda, but I stood by Phineas. He was after all, my best friend. He was the person who stood by me no matter what. And I could only return the favor. But after a while, the other boys began to think

that I had something to do with Finny's accident. They thought that I was only still close to Phineas because I felt guilty about what I did. They had no idea.

The questions just kept coming, and with them came more suspicion. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted to freeze time just so I could clear my head and create plausible answers for their preposterous questions. And I knew that Brinker and the others would eventually break me; they were already starting to wear me down. I was close to my breaking point, and almost everyone knew it. The only thing that was holding me back was my 'loyalty' to Phineas, and once that was gone… I knew it was time to confess when Phineas and I were dragged from our room in the middle of the night by Brinker. The boys wanted answers, and they wanted them now.

The interrogation wasn't all that bad now that I'm looking back. It could have been _much_ worse. I could have told them everything, and I would have had Finny not

been there. He supported me; he acted like a true leader. A natural leader. It was amazing watching him go off on the boys. The passion in his voice was overwhelming, almost intolerable. And it was all for me. He knew that I wouldn't do a thing to defend myself, so he did it for me. As Phineas' rant continued, I could tell that Phineas broke. Everything he was feeling since the accident was reveled in his voice. And he didn't wasn't to face those feelings- the anger, hurt, resentment, and the fear. Memories can only be suppressed for so long and when the time came to face those memories, Phineas didn't know how to deal. So he did the only thing he could: he ran from them. Or he tried to.

Phineas ended up re-breaking his leg when he tried to run down the steps to escape us all. When the doctor tried to reset the bone, Phineas died, and there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could say to bring Finny back. He was gone, my best friend was gone- and I contributed. I feel so guilty about starting the chain of events that killed my best friend. And I only pushed him out of that tree because I was jealous, and because I _could_. I had the ability to change someone's life forever, just like Phineas changed mine. Phineas did change lives. He made people believe that they could be anyone they wanted, that they could do anything they wanted. But Phineas never realized that about himself, he thought he was just a regular guy, and as humble as they come. He didn't realize that his actions inspired others and his esoteric phrases changed what people believed. Changed what I believed. Phineas wasn't the enemy, he never was. I created the enemy; _I _was the enemy.


End file.
